Overcoming Sexual Addiction
Hi. My name is Tunde. I’ve been afraid of sharing my God Experience because of what I thought people would say or think of me. But, I’m confronting my fears today because I believe that when I’m done someone would be touched and have a better relationship with God.
I was born into a Christian family; both of my Grandfathers were Baba Ijos (Church Elders). There was a lot of pressure on me to know God early. All through my secondary school, I knew God but I didn’t have a personal relationship with him.
When I was in my third year of secondary school, I had a friend whom I used to visit at home. We’d do assignments together before my Mum came to pick me up. On a fateful day, we had finished our assignments and so I went up to my friend’s room to see what he was doing. Immediately I entered, he hid what he was reading. I begged him to show it to me. He eventually did and it was a magazine of naked women in suggestive poses. As a young boy of 11 or 12 at the time, it was intriguing and at that point, I knew I wanted to know more. From then on, I developed my own collection of magazines and as time went on, it became easier to access pornography – CDs and then online. I remember the first time I watched pornography. Afterwards I felt guilty, sinful and dirty and so I prayed that God would have mercy but after some time, an urge would come and I would do it again. That went on for a while until my relationship with God dwindled and my grades began to falter. It got to a certain point that I felt I needed to take drastic action. I burnt all my magazines and CDs. Unfortunately, because of all the pressure on me, I didn’t feel I could talk to my parents or anyone in church and there was no one I could trust enough to talk to. So I tried to battle the issue on my own.
My first semester in the university, probably because of all the excitement (plus the fact that I was just 15), there were a lot of distractions. I also tried to keep myself distracted. I joined the church fellowship and all that. Towards the end of the first semester, I started to feel like I was strong enough to beat pornography on my own. Unfortunately, second semester started and despite all my distractions, the urges came back and I backslid. I thought I had beaten the habit and I didn’t know why it kept coming back. I deteriorated until I stopped going to church then members of my church came to visit me and encouraged me return. I did so (but I still didn’t confide in anyone). That was the cycle of my life for the next 2 years. In my fourth year, unfortunately the church fellowship disbanded and everyone pretty much went their separate ways. Hence, there was no one to encourage me to go back to church. Eventually I just gave in to pornography and this continued after I graduated from the university and even all through my national youth service.
One Sunday during my Master’s Degree programme, I pretty much walked into the first church I saw. It was really different from my church background. The sermon was lively, interactive & engaging and somehow I found myself going back Sunday after Sunday. Soon I joined the technical team and then the men’s fellowship. During one of the men’s fellowship meetings, an older man stood up to share his experience and he talked about his battle with pornography and masturbation. I just knew I had to talk to him; this was someone who had gone through what I was going through. Even though it took a while, I got close enough to him to open up and when I did, he didn’t judge me. He prayed for me and was kind to me. I wish I could tell you I quit cold turkey but I didn’t. I backslid a few times but God through my friend was always there to pick me up. I came to realize that even though I’m fighting a battle, Jesus has already won the victory. God is always there irrespective of what you’re dealing with currently. He usually sends angels to you along the way if you open yourself up to identifying and taking advantage of them. I want to tell you that God loves you and if there’s something you’re battling with, feel free to talk to someone you can trust.
It’s been 2 years now and I wish I could tell you I don’t get those urges anymore but I’m human. I get them less frequently nowadays. I no longer dwell on them or respond to them. I just say a quick prayer thanking God for the victory he has already won and I move on. That’s my God Experience.
To learn about the God that Tunde spoke about, please click here. If you would like to speak to a LifePointe counsellor about your porn or masturbation addiction, please send an email or Whatsapp +2348091000078.
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