Rising Through The Pain
My name is Mori. I grew up all over the place in the USA, but mostly in Chicago. I was born to a Muslim father and a Christian mother. Growing up, I attended both the mosque and church.
In 2010, I moved to Nigeria. While in Nigeria, I found myself more in church compared to my attendance at the mosque. Later in the year September 2010, I unfortunately lost my mother. After the death of my mother, I just buried my head in work. I continued this way until year 2016.
After the death of my mother, my father re-married and this really upset me. I chose not to speak to him nor see him for awhile after that. I would only do my duty as a daughter to her father, and call him every now and then.
In June/July 2016, each time I wanted to pray, my father came to mind. I didn’t understand because I wasn’t praying for him. I would talk to my friends on phone and they would randomly ask if I had talked to my dad, and I will reluctantly reply, ‘what’s your business? I spoke to him two weeks ago, he is fine’. One morning after praying, it was led in my heart again and I decided to call him. In the Yoruba tribe, it is not encouraged to be outright with ones parents. What this means is that one is not able to really tell ones parents how one feel about them as it is looked on as being rude. And so, all my feelings about my father, I kept within me, I never spoke to him about it, because I didn’t want him to see me as a rude child.
Well, I did eventually called him, and he went on to abuse me, saying that I hadn’t called nor seen me in a while. I let him finish and when he was done, I told him I called him for a reason. He asked what the problem was. I started to express all of my feelings that I had been holding in for the past six years towards him. I recounted from the day my mother died, up until that very moment I was speaking with him. Interestingly, even the things that I had forgotten came to mind and I let them all out. We were on the phone for almost three hours. He let me finish, he didn’t interrupt me. When I was done, he said it was not his intention to make me feel the way and I must know that he does love me, I told him that I was not really sure about that. He said to me, you know I was there when you were born and I said yes, I am aware. He said, “that was the happiest day of my life and I love you and your brothers very much, despite how I made you feel, I am very sorry”. I had never heard my dad say sorry before. That wasn’t my expectation, it was just a burden on my heart to express my feelings.
Two weeks later, I called my dad and invited him to lunch at a café. We had lunch together, and unfortunately, that was the last time I saw him. In August, approximately two weeks, after seeing him, he passed away. It was significant for me because I just moved to Nigeria in 2010 and in September that year, my mother died. I felt I just got back, got the opportunity to feel her and her love, after being apart for so many years and same thing repeated itself with my father, after so many years of unforgiveness and stubbornness on my part and not being able to maintain a relationship with him. As soon as I tried to reconnect, God You decided to take him.
At this point I was obviously, grieving and upset, but if you know me, I believe I am very strong and very independent, so I wore a brave face. One day, I sat down with a friend of mine, who unknown to me has the Gift of Prophesy and Word of Knowledge. She spoke to me, mentioning things that I had never shared with anyone, things about my childhood, growing up in America, the conversation I had with my dad, and at that point I broke down, I couldn’t hold it together anymore. I was completely shattered.
It was at that point I decided that I could no longer do it on my own anymore. I could no longer be strong Moriam that was just going to take on the world and be fazed by nothing. The umbrella of my mom was gone, that of my dad was gone, what was left? I didn’t have the answers. I have been coming to church, I had given my life to Christ a long time ago. I think there’s a difference between being saved and actually believing. Opening your heart to Jesus and actually believing that He can come into your heart and fill in the broken spaces. That He can take a shattered heart and make it whole again. I don’t think that before that day with my friend, that I had actually believed it. I guess in some way before that day, I was just hopeful because really I didn’t have any other option.
A weekend after my friend gave me the word, she introduced me to a weekend programme and asked me to go, only if I was willing to open up my heart to God. I took my time, filled out the forms and registered for the conference. I did attend the conference.
Before this time, with matters like speaking in tongues, falling under the influence of the Holy Spirit, I was a bit skeptical. When I hear people speaking in tongues, I would ask why they are mimicking the pastor. I believed speaking in tongues was just for pastors. When a pastor laid hands on people and they fell, I would exclaim, “hmm, the pastor pushed you”.
Well, on the last day of this conference, they did a teaching on the baptism of the Holy Spirit, as they were teaching, they spoke about the strong holds of the mind. We were taught that unbelief is not of us, they are of the devil. They taught us to rebuke such thoughts because the gift of the Holy Spirit is a gift for everyone, every child of God. Baptism of the Holy Spirit is your gift from God. As they were speaking, those thoughts started coming up and right on my chair, I started rebuking them. They did an altar call, asking for anyone that would love to be baptized in the Holy Spirit and had never spoken in tongues to come out. So, I stepped out and they said a prayer over me. Right before the Reverend said Amen, I had started speaking in tongues. I felt a charge, like I was holding a machine gun in my hands, my hands were shaking so badly. As I was shaking, I felt something pushing me back, and I said to myself, ‘no! no!! no!!!… no way!!!! I am not going to fall!’ I was pushing forward, the spirit kept pushing me back. Mind you, this was a conference, there were many people. I said to myself, I am not falling, I was pushing forward, next thing, I am on the ground. No pastor laid hands on me yet I was on the ground. That’s just how mindful God is. He knew that if a pastor had laid hands on me, I would never believe that the anointing of the Lord could take me down.
This was six weeks after my dad died. I was a different person, a totally different person. Afterwards, I was smiling from ear to ear. I was on a natural high for the next two weeks, nobody could stress me, not even Lagos traffic. I was smiling, that is the love of God! It is available for everyone. All you have to do is open your heart to receive Him. You have to rebuke and reject any thought that says He doesn’t love you or you are not deserving of such a gift from Him. That’s just the beginning of the first floor in God’s tower. There are so many more levels and I thank God that He has shown me that from that point.
That literally was just the beginning for me as I just continued to seek Him more and desire more of Him. God has met me at every single point of my need. Spiritually, I can say that I walk and fellowship with the Spirit, He is always with me, He has never left me, even when I wasn’t aware of His presence, He was there.
God’s mercy is new every morning and God has a different experience for you.
PS: If you would like to meet Jesus, please click here.
February 02, 2017
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